Re-uppance

If I continue living, I will fail
by increments – I fear the hearing’s next.
The years fling inflammation and assail
the circulation and I’m undersexed
already, bent to burp with gas attacks,
reducing height and vigor every year,
obtaining bumps and building cataracts …
But how can I depart while you’re still here?

I’d miss a week from Wednesday afternoon.
I couldn’t watch you learn to dance or write.
Perhaps I shouldn’t shuffle off this soon;
if I postpone, the future’s out of sight.
On balance, after contemplation, I
decide to live some more before I die.

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Sleep Study

Asleep my fellows wander through a maze
without a clue of strategy or thread.
Somnambulating heavy are their days
as dense as night, as if they’re walking dead
who cannot even note what path they took.
They live oblivious in financed ease
and only rise to half-awareness shook
awake by earthquake-sized catastrophes.

It’s not as if they fell asleep somewhen
along their span; existence is a knot
for them, they never thought to pry apart.
They’re no more weary than they’ve ever been.
Each trial glimpse at God someone forgot,
propelled to motion by a dreaming heart.

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Basics

It’s just about time to go back to school. Or at least to learning, even if the lesson is something already learned (but not fully accepted) about the futility of keeping a new year’s resolution in the darkest coldest season of the year. (I like salad for lunch in the winter, because I like salad and my hands are too cold when I get home to make one for dinner, and for the first 10 days of January the salad places, like the gyms, are crowded with the newly resolved; I have to wait for them to clear out, which never takes more than two weeks).

Back to school. Back to the memory I want to describe.

One of the best stories my father told about his college experience came from the late 1940s, from CCNY, from an engineering class. There’s a Basic Energy Equation that is at the bottom of every engineering problem. I don’t know what the equation is, and I’m resisting the Internet research that would quickly inform me, because the formula isn’t the point.

Dad said all the students groaned when they learned the assignment. All semester, no matter what they tackled, the class was required to start with the Basic Energy Equation and build from there. It would be like working a bunch of arithmetic without a calculator: drill after drill starting at one end and plodding to the end.

I’ll bet you can guess the result. The students who finished that class really learned their stuff. Ever after, each was confident about how to tackle any energy problem. Those students had the basics well-laid: neural pathways like rich irrigation canals in their elastic brains.

A lot of people scoff at repetitive tasks. Like we’re above them. Like they should be automated. Piffle. There’s no substitute for practice if you want to incorporate a skill.

So please, don’t ask a computer to do a task you don’t know how to do yourself. Run through problems off-line at first, as much as possible, until you comprehend them. Personally, I don’t even think speed-dialing is a beneficial idea.

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Greek to Me

9.8.08
And it came to pass that I went to college. There were a few weeks that last high school year when I conjectured that I might not attend, that it might be better for me to proceed directly to the life experiences that would make me a writer, instead of spending more years in classrooms.

Dad talked me into it (if that was necessary – I think now that what I said then was a form of affectation), by explaining that even if I learned nothing in class, the university would provide professors who had read ahead of me, and who could steer me away from books that would waste my time.

So I crossed the bay from Marin to Cal, entered with Honors and finished my freshman year with an average average. No surprise: I spent those quarters taking breadth requirement courses and exploring drugs, sex, politics, rock and roll. It was a fine year.

I plunged into English courses as a sophomore, and thoroughly burned myself out. The work for an English class is never over – you can always add to that essay – and taking nothing but English was like constructing a circle in Hell and moving into it.

That’s when a few of us noticed the change in the course catalogue. Unlike spoken languages, which had classes every day, Greek and Latin were usually offered MWF for an hour and a half, or TuTh for two hours. That term (fall of 1969), there was a daily Greek class. I enrolled.

It was just what I needed. Elementary language homework is objective. You do the drills, you memorize the vocab, and you’re done.

But Greek provided more than that. It wasn’t like the ambient Spanish or even temple Hebrew. Classical Greek was exotic. The alphabet was mysterious. The literature was deep.

I acquired what Cal calls proficiency (or maybe “advanced knowledge”). Nowhere near fluency, but I learned enough to struggle with Homer and make sense of Sophocles. I got to experience what it was like, a little, to think like a Greek of their golden age.

For example, we all know how lifetime is presented in our language. We use words that suggest our past is behind us and our future (teeming with possibility or otherwise) is unrolling in front of us. I was taught that’s not how you think in Greek. In that language, it’s as if you’re walking backwards through your life: the past is always before you, present in mind and memory, but you’re moving ass-first into your unseen future.

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Auto-Doc

I notice flaws in others as I move
around – I see my friends grow old and stout,
my relatives relapse. I would improve
the lots of most I love – I have no doubt
my cure is best; my remedy is fine.
I’ve spent a lifetime learning and I’ve found
the cause effective, and my own design
comprises truth in texture, light, and sound.

So I, a self-taught medic, state my case
as if I wrote the books upon my shelf,
as if I ran experiments to base
my theories on, took labor from an elf
who worked all night to holler in my face:
“O idiot physician, mend yourself.”

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Flux

I used to sleep so well and heal so fast,
and what was then I thought would still be now,
for I’m as much myself as I was last
December 31st. I don’t know how
the hour hand that I cannot see move
yet circumscribes the dial twice a day.
Perceptions miss what new positions prove,
and noting nothing doesn’t make it stay.

The farmer’s son may daily lift a calf
and reason that in time he’ll hoist the bull
that calf will be, but ere the creature’s half-
way to mature, the boy can no more pull
him up than I can see a flower grow,
or calibrate in me the change I know.

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School Films

Most of the movies we were shown in school were not good. Film strips reminded me of ViewMaster experiences, and the reels we screened were in general shot by mediocre camera people and narrated by patronizing voices.

That’s not to say the screenings weren’t memorable. There was something about the turning off of classroom lights that we all found a little exciting, at least compared to the usual environment. And the lucky student who got to run the projector, threading the shiny film around the pinball-like pegs until it caught and self-fed, stopping the machine in a hurry on those occasions when something stuck or snarled or burned or tore: that was a job we all wanted.

And some of the school movies were excellent. Leave it to Walt Disney …

I’m sure I’m not alone in remembering the Disney demonstration of nuclear fission. It took place on a billiard table I think. The surface was covered with mousetraps, and each trap was set with a pingpong ball atop it, when the unseen hand dropped a triggering ball into the system.

And that unseen hand! I get a little thrill even now, remembering how delighted I was when that hand wielded a magic pencil or paintbrush that created illustrations as it swept the screen.

Or what about Mr. Hemo? I loved the Disney film that explained the body as narrated by the blood.

I saw one memorable movie in school that was not created by the Disney studios. They made us watch it in Driver Ed class, and it was as amateur as any other driving class movie. But it was so simple and true that it was compelling.

It was called “Courtesy is Contagious.” It showed people doing regular everyday things around other people, and being polite. They weren’t just refraining from rudeness; they were actively courteous: smiling at passing strangers, holding the door for the person behind, reaching forward with attentive or helpful body language. And of course you saw, when a person experienced the politeness of the held-open door, that person turn, in turn, to see if someone was following for whom the door could still be held.

It was stunningly true. The movie didn’t point out how contagious rudeness is, too. It didn’t need to.

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Prejudice and Discrimination

9.8.08
Talk about a couple of negative words! The nouns in today’s title suggest unfairness, bigotry, racism even. It wasn’t always that way. It isn’t always that way now.

Awhile ago I got sued. It wasn’t fair, but the wheels of the legal system rotate slowly, so it was two years and tens of thousands of dollars before it went away.

The complaint against me and my business was “dismissed with prejudice.” I remember liking the first word but stumbling over the last. Until my lawyer/friend/client explained it to me. “That means old Ed can never bring the case again,” Bruce said. “It’s been judged already, and found wanting.”

Whoa, I remember thinking: cool.

As for discrimination, it isn’t always followed by the word “against.” In fact, discrimination means the ability to make fine distinctions. Dis is from the Latin for “apart,” and crimen meant “verdict.” (Crimen is also “accusation,” from which we get “crime,” all from cernere, which hailed from the Greek krinein: to decide, judge).

So prejudice and discrimination are both about judging – the first beforehand and the second between – and it would be nice, precisely nice, to continue the possibility of using them in the neutral or positive sense.

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Oyster

A trespasser insinuates its grit
through corrugated portals. So it’s gone
and ever will; the sand is infinite
as insects, inexorable as dawn.
The host is irritated and reacts
by isolating, coating, adding size
until that laminate through cataracts
of antibodies grows into a prize.

I would you take the oyster for a guide,
and imitate its wisdom. Awesome pain
invades you now. Attend it well, and curl
your soul about the irritant inside.
Arrange a buffer round its rough terrain,
apply yourself to it and build a pearl.

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Tigridia

The metal railing warm against my hand
where sunlight silvers it, and striping cool
beneath the shade, I fully understand:
Such education doesn’t need a school.

The turn of leaves of birch upon the breeze,
that captures green as sequins prison light,
is vision comprehensible with ease:
I don’t need words from me to see it right.

But yesterday, the garden featured two
that looked like nothing else and lived one day:
A pair with scarlet spots on lemon hue,
that opened butter soft, in an array
of layered satin petals, three on one,
that blazed and then expired, with the sun.

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