Sin Brazos


I never noticed till the recent posts. I guess it’s an example of consciousness-raising. But the fact is, arms are a drag when you’re not using them.

They’re great when you need to manipulate or carry things. But I can never figure out what to do with my arms when I’m standing and talking to someone. In my pockets? Some folks say that’s too casual. Across my chest? May be interpreted as hostile or stern. Clasped behind my back? That’s either coy or too chesty.

And what about sleeping? I like to lie on my side, the medically preferred position, and I never know what to do with the lower arm. There’s a numbness risk no matter where I put it. What about you back or stomach sleepers? Hands near hips, or shoulders?

Arms get in the way when we try to snuggle with a lover. It’s much easier to painfully knock an elbow or sprain a wrist than to sustain similar damage to the leg joints. People don’t seem to get carpal tunnel syndrome in their ankles.

Legs hold us up all the time. They let us walk and run. But when we’re not using our arms – i.e., most of the time – they are bulky and inconvenient. There’s no other body part that’s annoying when not in use.

There seems to be quite a schism developing on the subject. You know: those who are awakening to the problem versus the so-called scientists (who, no matter what the subject, always assert that it’s too complicated to solve or even for us to comprehend).

That’s why I love our president. What a guy. He may not have as many words or as much schooling as others, but once he grasps a problem, he grabs the reins and solves it. Here the obvious solution is retractable arms. I understand he’s going to announce a major tax cut for any company that comes up with a viable design.

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