A day of listening produced new thought.
I spent it with my darling talk-starved kid.
As soon as I inclined to speak, I caught
myself, and paused to let her fill the space
between us. That relaxed me some, and brought
a bit of happy vacancy to mind.
I’ll try again. I’ll recollect I sought
a stepping-back, a little ego-rid.
I know already all I would have taught.
In public meditation Friday night,
two motivations soon arose in me:
accepting age’s change to feel all right,
and helping others triumph presently.
To work to comprehend fragility,
adopt a goal protective, thorough, smart,
and listen to each loved one patiently –
describes the message mind received from heart.
A wave of warmer weather washed our coast,
but now we went to winter once again.
The gardens grow new green and grace, but most
the flowers of the fruit trees fell. A fen
of gutter water gathers, and a ghost
mosquito-sounding strikes my hearing when
I read in bed before I off my lamp
and snuggle down to dream the end of damp.
I’d rather you not tell your partner my negative news.
But I don’t intend to request that you muzzle your speech.
So I guess I’ll keep my own counsel, and play my own blues
so softly no murmurs your brotherly eardrums will reach.
The test results I read have knocked me some.
My posture and my exercise inclined
me to assume, although I know that’s dumb.
But I did not expect the rig to find
hip bones appropriate for flight. I’m numb,
and need some time to set my vision right
(The clues were lurking, after hormones stopped,
and cholecalciferol levels dropped).
I used a bus I rarely ride to get
some miles south and west. The trip was less
than lovely – crowded, noisy – but it let
me off with extra time at the address.
Exploring then, I saw a route and set
my exit plan for shade and lower stress.
Appointment done, I trod that other ground,
and peaceful, vibrant welcome’s what I found.
The birthday gifts two weeks ago, too much
to be acknowledged by a 4-year old
who only longed to play with each, were such
an overload that no adult controlled,
that this one was ignored – it felt no touch,
got set aside. While shapes and colors rolled
and rocked and scattered no one now knows where,
this puppy still transmits its patient stare.
When I said “spastic,” it was my attempt
to flavor a machine that stuttered so
it failed to work. She leapt then to pre-empt
such talk, for she’s a doc who doesn’t know
that literary license might exempt
such vivid use of language. I won’t go
there – it’s not worth hurt feelings to engage.
I’ll find another word to put to page.
It’s not my home, but I’ve some moments more
alone with wine and book, before I see
four party people toting atmosphere
of almost 8 and one no longer 3.
Of course I love their happy energy,
but I appreciate some minutes more
till I’m beset by loving family:
kids running, parents toting, through the door.
I think (and hope) this cold is nearly done.
My nose still runs and I’ve low energy,
but aim to travel west today for fun
with birthday-celebrating family.
And 5 days hence I’ll fly so I can be
with Oregonians I long to kiss.
So, yes, I swabbed for Covid I can’t see;
I’ll read results before I finish this.
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