Cough

cough

I cough too much. When I was 21,
I had bronchitis in a rugged place.
The meds were harsh – before the course had run,
they diagnosed pneumonia in my case.
And ever since, each cold becomes complex.
The coughing lingers on for several weeks.
I brace my ribs, my pelvic floor, my neck,
avoiding rips and urinary leaks.

I guess there’s no avoiding consequence
from repetitious body use – my age
has earned its calluses, and so I sense
this hernia is just another wage
I pay for coughing – Sure the tear’s no joke,
but I’ll admit I’m stupid: I still smoke.

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Ennui

220px-Cerebral_lobes[1]

“What’s there to do? I’m bored,” I would complain
to Mom when I was young enough to ask.
“Go hit your head,” was her bizarre refrain,
“against the wall.” I’d find myself a task.
For I avoided boredom like a curse –
inventing selfish games as need arose.
Besides depression, nothing could be worse,
I figured, born immune to grievous lows.

The boredom lessened as my years increased
(so time alive shrinks every quality),
but my exasperation hasn’t ceased
with droning friends and banal family.
My mates were dull – my custom was rebuff.
You’re boring too, but you I love enough.

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Bus Stop

bus stop

Arriving at the bus stop yesterday,
my app displayed the disappointing news:
a dozen minutes late! (That’s half the way
I’d planned to ride.) And so I got to choose
a standing wait with phone and book, or stroll
with ambulative thought. The sun was out,
the weather cool and fresh. I best control
my time apace; I chose to walk the route.

My pick was right. The distance isn’t long,
terrain is level and the neighborhoods
are entertaining. While my legs got strong
I planned my time, prioritized the goods,
and harvested ideas. I wondered why
the only one who didn’t wait was I.

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Notions

gray

I know I was a handful: scared my mom
and stunned my dad with willfulness and heat.
Wicked-bright and booming like a bomb,
I overfilled our den. I wasn’t sweet
and patient. I defied the girl-police.
I had too many aims to watch each phrase
or modulate. I labored to increase
translation of existence’s displays.

I wasn’t good. But I survived to old.
And as I edge toward 70, I see
my peers releasing attitudes controlled
till now, repressed by their civility.
My crony crones are petulant with age,
as I allow my sweetness to engage.

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Anti-Perspirant

a_e_newman1_featured

Arriving home last night, I was annoyed
to find the shared recycle bin too crammed.
As if my time should weekly be employed
collapsing neighbors’ refuse! I’ll be damned,
I muttered, but converted that within
to smiling at the mindlessness of some.
I won’t allow small shit beneath my skin
of late, so let the irritations come.

Concluding peevishness just tortures me,
and others’ inconsiderations make
their journeys dim, while mine has clarity,
I will not sweat the tiny. I’ll forsake
all petty pain. This attitude’s enough,
for life is mostly made of little stuff.

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Generation Skipping

girl1b[1]

“You do too much,” my mother says of late,
who used to carp at me for laziness.
I haven’t shirked real work. I’m 68,
and though I harbor barks of craziness,
I’ve never dropped an oar. I pull my weight,
and just because I argued never meant
she had a point, for sloth was not my trait –
my course reveals good energy well-spent.

At 24 my mother lost her mom,
and moved to suburbs and a social life.
She sang her mother’s praises like a psalm
on selflessness, while she rocked modern wife.
She knows I’m for my grandkids, thought and touch,
and now her slogan is, “You do too much.”

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Meant Empty Words

mind-control-swirl[1]

It does no good to say I told you so.
That irritates the hearer to a snit.
The speaker was correct, and needn’t throw
a boast about. It’s inappropriate
and doesn’t work. Like when you’re judging me,
you say you’re not but talk like you’ve the clue
to how to live most satisfactorily,
and I’d be well-advised to follow you.

But see, I started figuring at five,
revising and amending when I could.
I listened to myself – I stayed alive
and conscious – my conclusions did me good.
Alone and well, it now looks like I built
a form of vigorous survivor guilt.

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Pathetic Fallacy

doom

The weather seemed in sympathy that day
with his despair: abysmal dismal guy.
But that was mere coincidence – the way
he staggered out, tear-blinded as the sky
shellacked his pain with rainfall. Inside out
ran water, but that wasn’t really it;
the weather didn’t join his anguished shout.
Instead he found the storm appropriate
for loosing his confusion and his pain.
The downpour hid his tears, and he could wail
his agony beneath the thrum of rain,
and stumble under darkness. Rant or flail,
that storm did not so much reflect as stir
his grief and anger once – then let it blur.

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A Grandma’s Lament

A dozen years ago, a boy was born
who made a grandmother of her and me.
Released from life, she’s now a loss to mourn,
and this is offered as an elegy.

We needed her. The grandpas aren’t close;
the steps have chilly personalities.
The loving ours, we co-supplied the dose
on which grandkids can thrive. From me the squeeze,
from her the cakes and kisses – we tag-teamed.
We rarely saw each other but we knew
our hearts were warm, our efforts what they seemed.

And nothing I can say of her’s more true
than this:
the woman loved and sought and tried
her best – her journey was a fruitful ride.

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Justification

220px-Cerebral_lobes[1]

I feel a little altered, and it’s good.
I’m safe at home without a task that calls.
There’s gentle rain outside to darken wood
and speckle glass, and as the moisture falls
the tense contractions in my limbs unfold.
I glory in the heat that radiates
my room from flaming gas remote-controlled,
and settle in to what this page creates.

Admittedly, I smoked a little herb
when I returned from errands self-assigned,
and maybe I indulged in something more.
I have some inclinations I should curb,
but I’m of age and sound enough in mind
to spike my better judgment with my poor.

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