A seeker, and attracted to the same,
but every partner heeled to such belief
that zeal repelled no matter what its name:
Catholicism, Synanon, Gurdjieff,
The Forum (Landmark), EST – all share the blame
for turning quests and questions into grief.
She doesn’t aim to judge or to indict,
but each in time evolved to acolyte.
Distinguishing computer brains from ours,
it’s obvious their memory is best,
and as for arithmetic super powers,
they vanquish even geniuses well-blest.
But no machine without all facts assessed
can make a choice with confidence to act.
Survival ever came from challenge guessed
at and responded to, with dearth of fact.
A consequence of immortality?
Surviving all the cousins and the peers.
Enduring chronic solitude may be
a circumstance unworthy of more years.
Likewise, maintaining health as dotage nears
produces loneliness, when all around
companions bend, forget, lose eyes and ears.
But if I’ve other paths they are unfound.
I’ve reached a stage when nothing feels as good
as comfort in my body. That may be
the case because I’ve long embraced the should
of heart, and worked my brain incessantly,
so guilty conscience doesn’t trouble me –
regret’s a stranger to my peace of mind.
But now what gives me slings of ecstasy
is eating light and moving my behind.
“What’s going on with Portland?” queried she,
and naturally attempting to refuse
to justify irrationality,
I recommended turning off the news.
But she persisted, and I can’t defuse
the plaintive nagging tone she puts in play.
So I suggested she enlarge her views,
and said “no worse than DC or LA.”
I woke too early yesterday, before
a shift alone with grandkids 4 and 8.
They’re company I normally adore
and those 5 hours I would not abate.
But oh the journey home took from me more
of stamina than I’ve reserved of late.
The subsequents – a bubble bath and nap –
returned my mood to calm, my palms to lap.
Congested traffic Friday afternoon
was neighbor-notable at half past 2.
My amble was at normal pace, but soon
I overtook 4 dozen cars. A slew
of drivers changed their course by yaw and skew,
but I proceeded happy on concrete.
I never passed the cause of clog, but knew
the liberty of unobstructed feet.
A chasm yawns between two bosom friends
that history and loyalty can’t span.
One focuses on memory, intends
to recollect correctly, with a plan
for clarity. The other always spends
her stamina on feeling. Neither can
repair a bridge as footings shake apart –
attempts cause ache in brain and pain in heart.
The trip was good – vacations always prove
how beneficial is a change of scene,
a variance in how I daily move,
a welcome stirring break from all routine.
But time adjustment time, and jogs between
descendant dens, have kept me on the roam.
At last five weeks have passed, and now I mean
to savor many days alone, at home.
The two old white guys on the plane near me
assumed that I would yield whatever space
they wanted, though they each moved mindlessly
and neither seemed to have a thoughtful face.
But maybe that’s inaccurate – I see
such lack of focus, every time and place.
Entitled rudeness may not have been meant
as much as dreary absence of intent.
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