That was the day I learned about the molestation. I don’t know why Evie never told me about it when it happened, but we sat down with coffee right after Jessie stomped off and Evie started talking. A decade earlier when Jessie was seven, there was a situation with a guy at church. He was a nice enough man, around thirty, but it turned out that he had a strong attraction to little girls and he’d already been in trouble. His faith and the church had helped him conquer temptation then, and he moved and started life over. Of course he continued to go with what worked, so he joined the church in his new community. Immediately he became involved and in time volunteered to work with the children, so that’s where he was when he failed to resist temptation again.

Luckily he didn’t get far before he was discovered. He’d helped Jessie and a few others out of most of their clothes and he’d taken some photographs, and it turned out he touched one child. That’s the girl who talked, which resulted in his dismissal and prosecution. The little girls’ families were offered counseling. Mike and Evie switched to another church.

“Didn’t they run a background check on the guy?” I asked.

“I guess not. I don’t think they were as aware of these problems then. And Mike handled all the negotiations with our old church. I was too upset. Mike thought they should have paid us something, to compensate us for all the grief, but they just tried to make it go away with comfort and sympathy and dismissing the perpetrator.”

I cast back in memory. Sure – both of us were having kid problems then. Jessie and David were each acting out. My son was so prone to outbursts when frustrated that he kept getting kicked out of all programs. Vividly, almost viscerally, I remembered the horrible cycle of time-outs, behavior contracts, suspensions, and finally ousters. We went through three therapists before we found Pam.

At the same time Evie was reporting big problems with Jessie. One of the consequences of her prematurity was a slight learning disability, and I remember that Evie attributed Jessie’s violent tantrums to her continuing failure to read. Evie and Mike got a tutor for Jessie but they didn’t seek a shrink. I thought they should have – it’s no different from hiring child care or an accountant or any other expert to whom you can delegate some of life’s work – but Evie said at the time that the reading tutor and family prayer would be enough.

(to be continued on Monday and concluded on Tuesday)