Sure I experienced guilt growing up. From my perspective, who didn’t? There was early guilt about toilet training mishaps, intermediate shame about laziness, stupidity and lack of common sense, and advanced teenage angst when I came up short in self-examination.

Guilt was so prevalent in my development that it was a subject for peer discussions. More than politics or folk music, my friends and I shared the bad personal feelings we incurred after acting (or not) to our (or others’) satisfaction. As often as I debated the value of religion with my pals, we compared Catholic confessional guilt to Protestant work-ethic guilt to Jewish everyday guilt, and argued about which form was most insidious.

It wasn’t till I was around 24 that my light bulb lit. In a dazzling illumination of the obvious, I realized that retrospective guilt is substantially useless. I’m not saying one shouldn’t apologize (most of the time I think “sorry” expresses sympathy, but it means responsibility when it’s used after one errs). I’m not advocating that one avoid the consequences that come with one’s own acts. I’m just saying that castigation is useless. Self-abasement and groveling are irrelevant (not to mention unattractive).

I say, kids, don’t waste time feeling bad about what you did. Learn from your acts not to do whatever makes you feel bad, again.

There’s probably no state worse than shame. There’s probably no feeling finer than when you’re pleased with your actions. So whenever you’re confronted with a choice, select what will make you proud of yourself tomorrow. Imagine just far enough into the future that you can see the blame or credit in the alternatives before you now. Use that vision to make your choice.

I’ve been accused of extreme honesty. I am often credited with honorable behavior. It’s easy. I always pick what will make me not regret. I don’t like rue.