They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. They say bad news often works out to be the best thing that could have happened to you. They’re often right.

I suspect I was born fierce and skeptical, but maybe I acquired those qualities through infant experience. Whichever: I’ve been these ways as far back as I can remember. Attempts were made by relatives and teachers and even me to eliminate or at least modulate these characteristics, mostly without success. I tried to tone it down, I attempted to hide the light under a bushel or whatever the expression is, but that always turned out to be boring. I found the unleashed operation of my mind to be quite entertaining and I didn’t want the show to stop. When given the choice to conform or go to my room, I opted for the room. I still do.

So I didn’t have role models. The women around me didn’t act like me, and I didn’t want to be like them. The men were quite accepting of me but I couldn’t be one. And after a compelling conversation with my comp lit professor, in 1969, I stopped writing like one.

It was a chore, raising me by myself, but the work got done. And ever since, when I’m confronted with a problem, I try to understand it and solve it. I don’t look for how it was handled before. Oh, I’ll check out history once I have an initial perspective, but I like to view the issue all by myself, in my literal or virtual room, before I consult resources.

I’ve noticed that’s not what most people do. What I usually see is that look around the table, followed by: “Well, what have other organizations (or people) done?” Men especially seem to view everything as previously solved, and look for the mentor. I’ve known so many bright guys whose quests seem to be, in truth, the search of an acolyte for the expert from whom he can learn. That’s been the deal-killer for me, in a number of romances.

I don’t want to single out men. I’ve observed too many examples of a smart capable woman subordinating her opinion, will, attention, and time to her boyfriend or husband. Good grief: as it is written, the man attends to the higher power and the woman attends to the man, and I watch the connections and wonder, wonder, wonder.